It’s that time of year for all comic book nerds, D&D advocates, science fiction gurus, and even the anime retards (who always seem to find a way to attend and dominate all nerdy social gatherings) to meet in one place and enjoy panels from legendary people, eat tons of junk food and binge on Mountain Dew: Live Wire, and get an excuse to cosplay in costumes that, on some people, would be considered indecent exposure and would make me want to burn my eyes out with cattle prod dipped in acid just to ease the pain. Yes, ComiCon is back in Phoenix. I usually attend, but I have my own reasoning for not blessing this event with my presence this year. But like indigestion, it will be back soon enough.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy going to ComiCon and have the fabled “nerdgasms” when given the reason, but perhaps this annual festival is losing it’s magic. Some of the panels are amazing, of course, but some of them are just plain insane. One of them is “Do your own voice over to a Japanese Hentai!”. I’m sorry, what? So let me get this straight….you are going to cram a bunch of mouth-breathing anime nerds in a small room and have them moan into microphones? Scratch that….mouth-breathing MALE anime nerds. I don’t know, maybe one crazy obese women will attend, but I guarantee these men are going for the chance to hear “hot chicks” making sounds they will never hear in real life. The ultimate male anime nerd fantasy. I can’t see this going over well. All of them trying to find a dark corner of the room to whip out “Stubby the Wonder Rod” and wait for the magic to happen. Fuck that noise. You’re better off staying at home and fapping it to internet porn for 3 reasons:
1: You’re alone and not among a sausage fest (unless that’s your thing…)
2: You will actually hear a women in porn moan. You don’t have to wait for one to be gutsy and show up to this event to make sexy sounds for you. (OR you can go out and meet a girl and get laid that way! Magic!)
3: This event is fucking creepy and if you are attending sober, you have some serious issues to work out
I certainly hope this abomination doesn’t reappear at next year’s ComiCon. Hopefully because it will be a complete failure. As for the rest of the things going on this year: Geek Speed Dating, Cosplay 101 (oh please teach them to wear something appropriate to their body mass….), and How to Knit a Jayne Hat (totally want one!), carry on and be free to be nerdy.