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Leech Paranoia

People do stupid things every day, be it putting water on a grease fire, trying to jump in the pool through the convenience of the 2nd story balcony, or even letting a woman drive during rush hour traffic. It happens. Or does it? What possesses these people to do stupid things that lead to maiming themselves or others? It occurred to me during a conversation I had today, that perhaps people make stupid decisions because they are being controlled by brain leeches? Think about it; what goes through someone’s mind when they drop their wedding ring down the kitchen sink? “I’ll just dig it out from underneath the soft and cuddly garbage disposal blades of friendship without disabling it”. No! I’ve seen this movie. I know what happens. They should too, but they do it anyway. It has to be mind control. Brain leeches are nothing but trolls who hang out in our minds making us do stupid things. After we lose a limb or die horribly, they return to their base camp for bragging rights then leave to infect another innocent.

Hey girls! Check out my new accessory! It only cost my dignity and self control!

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m fairly certain there are just stupid people out there. After all, 1 in 200 people are direct decedents of Genghis Khan, so we are all a little inbred in a way. Though it is possible that the ones controlling these mind manipulating specimens could be public figures; people with high authority or have the most followers (like the Pope, Justin Bieber, or the Hypnotoad). Religion could just be a form of leech worship. Have you ever heard someone say, “God gave me this path.” or “God came to me and told me to do this.” (<–while committing sodomy with a donkey)? Perhaps “God” could just be code for “Lord Leech”. Or what about former president George Dubbya Bush? He did plenty of things that would merit him the honorary idiot scholarship to short bus camp. And how was he able to stay in office for 8 years? Because other mind control victims were the ones who voted him in? Hm…

I haven’t decoded their language yet so as of right now I am still uncertain of this theory. Though one thing is for sure, people are still going to participate in “planking” on the 7th story rooftop, binge drink on Southern Comfort until their blood looks like Kool-Aid, and watch the prequel Star Wars movies. People are just going to do stupid things, mind controlling leeches or not.

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