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Mall Pit

I know I can’t be the only one who is afraid of those mall playgrounds that are all over the place these days. I am no germaphobe, but the amount of bacteria that is transferred throughout those plastic death jungles is horrific. Sure, the disease pits are deloused maybe a few times a day, but there aren’t enough sanitation supplies or enough minimum wage workers out there that could keep them plague free. As soon as they mop up the vomit and foot fungus, the children return to play time and the bacteria returns almost instantly.

Lets play with sickness today!

Parents ignore this fact, as they seem satisfied by the idea that the pits are “cleaned”. I’ve seen people eating soft pretzels and sugar coated lard sticks (churros) inside of those playgrounds. Happily stuffing their faces and watching their children spread bacteria like a hooker spreads the clap. And yes, I am aware that there were worse contraptions that children played on before these mall pits. McDonald’s had those ball pits, which were probably going to cause the next Bubonic Plague if they weren’t eradicated. I used to play in them as a child which is most likely the reason why I have problems as an adult. Those pits are probably the cause of a lot of problems in a lot of people. I can see the class action lawsuit now:

“Do you suffer from Erectile Dysfunction? Do you occasionally experience night terrors or temporary seizures? Did you play in ball pits as a child? You may be entitled to benefits in this class action settlement.”

Thankfully, I only suffer from insanity and have large cravings for cupcakes….

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