A Theory on Zombies

People often talk of the zombie apocalypse and are often depicted being spread around by the homeless, chimpanzees, and PETA. This is probably still very likely. Though after reading something my friend Ron (aRONymous) posted on his blog, I have developed a theory. A successful zombie virus outbreak would be contracted and spread quicker through children first.  The amount of disgusting forms of bacteria children carry on them at all times could possibly mutate into a cannibalistic brain-swelling disease faster than anything a chimp could produce. Think about it, those sweet little bundles of hell spawn could one day rip your throat out and eat your entrails.

“New flavor of baby food: Mommy’s Hand”

People who own a child should keep them quarantined at all times until the child learns how to sanitize properly and not put their bugger infested fingers on everything I touch.

If you look like you’re in pain you’re doing it right

Have you ever noticed that tennis players always make the most unflattering faces after striking the ball?

This is my “oh” face.

Leave it to the photographer trolls to always capture these glorious moments at the right time. My ultimate dream job.

Sugarcoating is for pussies

Some people really don’t understand that sugarcoating is worse than the blunt truth. When someone asks if they are fat, you don’t want to sugarcoat the truth otherwise they will continue to look like a bloated sea cow and think they look like a young Val Kilmer. And some people like living in their diabetic sugarcoated world. Some people can’t handle the blunt truth and that makes them delusional to the real world. This kind of person would rather hear that tanning outside in an 108 degree inferno is good for your skin rather than hearing that it will turn you into a leather meat sack of skin cancer. But who am I to stop them from becoming human jerky? If someone is stupid enough to disregard reality that is their deal. If they want to go tanning, I say let them fry. It isn’t even worth my time to try and change their mind or convince them otherwise with the blunt truth because it’s human nature to want to ignore the negatives. No one wants to be wrong or know that their lifestyle is a hazard. So let them live in their sugary fantasy land and I will continue to live in my reality of truth.