First time for everything?

So I was having dinner with my old friend Christina when suddenly we started talking about dead people.

Christina: When I had to go to a wake, I couldn’t see the body. I was too freaked out.

Me: While I was at my Grandpa’s wake I touched his forehead.

Christina: Oh gross! Why did you do that?

Me: Touching a dead person is like touching a dolphin. You will probably do it once in your lifetime and people will always ask you to describe what it felt like. And honestly, soul-less bodies feel like frozen Thanksgiving turkeys. I imagine zombies feel like this. Does that mean the living feel like cooked turkeys? No wonder zombies want to eat us.

Christina: Yep, I’m not surprised that is floating around in your head.

“I’m ticklish”

A Theory on Zombies

People often talk of the zombie apocalypse and are often depicted being spread around by the homeless, chimpanzees, and PETA. This is probably still very likely. Though after reading something my friend Ron (aRONymous) posted on his blog, I have developed a theory. A successful zombie virus outbreak would be contracted and spread quicker through children first.  The amount of disgusting forms of bacteria children carry on them at all times could possibly mutate into a cannibalistic brain-swelling disease faster than anything a chimp could produce. Think about it, those sweet little bundles of hell spawn could one day rip your throat out and eat your entrails.

“New flavor of baby food: Mommy’s Hand”

People who own a child should keep them quarantined at all times until the child learns how to sanitize properly and not put their bugger infested fingers on everything I touch.